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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Soaked in Gin's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, January 23rd, 2011
3:08 am
Dead scene, nobody's fault.
Tuesday, March 30th, 2010
9:52 am
When life throws you a curveball, make curveball-ade.
Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
7:09 pm
another vent
I spent so much time trying to make one girl happy without realizing that I was just a rebound guy for her. She lied to me. She lied to me probably more than anybody else that I have ever trusted before. What I did not realize the whole time that I was blindly in love with a heartless girl is this:

1. Never trust the intentions of a pill popper.

2. Never fall in love with a person who is not capable of loving anyone but their own self.

3. Do not believe that you have something in common with somebody just because you have had sex with them.

4. Trusting a person that you really do NOT know is a good way to set yourself up for heartbreak.

5. The other party involved in said relationship in fact never felt anything more than a fleeting moment with you, much akin to that of a high school relationship(only they were not adult enough to admit to their real feelings).

6. Most importantly, never trust a thirty-something single female.

This is not to say that I have no faith in women in general. Quite the contrary, actually. Recently, I've even felt like a human being again. Like a person who may actually be enjoyable.

This is thanks to many of the amazing friends that I have, but mainly to Renee for being there for me. I enjoy her company immensely.

It may be possible that I will end up okay in the end. If you pray, don't waste your breath on me. It seems that God is already watching out for me.
Monday, November 2nd, 2009
1:23 pm
I am in Cincinnati. Possibly permanently, if I can find a job around here. Donkey is moving out of the house and I can have his room if I can afford it. This is good news. The bad news, once again, is that I have to find a job here, very soon. If I do, it will undoubtedly be a bad one.

Being poor sucks. I'm not sure what is going to happen with myself. If I did not have good friends, I would be homeless right now.

It feels nice to wake up next to a person that does not hate me.
Thursday, October 29th, 2009
2:36 pm
Cincinnati Football
The Cat's moved from fifth to eight place in the BCS polls this week which all but signifies that they will not be a contender for the National Chamionship game. This is fucking bullshit. They should have moved up in the rankings or at least stayed the same. Their back-up quarterback(Collaros) walked into the game with virtually no college football experience, in place of who was in top three contention to get the Heisman trophy this year, and played better than Tony Pike would have if he had been the starter. If anything, this shows how prepared the WHOLE TEAM is to play as hard as they can to win every game that they play. Even if they were the only unbeaten team left in the NCAA, fucking faggot Tim Tebow would still be in the national championship against Alabama and would still win the Heisman. Big bummer for UC football fans, especially considering that the team has done nothing wrong this entire season. They, however, will probably lose to both West Virginia and Pittsburgh. In that event, this whole rant will be negated.

The "Cardiac Cats" are a different story. By any means or standards, this year there was no expectations for the Bengals to do anything but lay down and be fucked in at least ten of the games that they played in. They have already beat their winning record from last year(4-11-1)and this has taken place in only seven games. Chad Johnson(I will not ever refer to him as Ochocinco) has amazing numbers this year. It seems like he is the recipient of every important pass that occurs during each game. More importantly, he is finally backing up his shit talking with some actual football playing. Cedric Benson leads the NFL in rushing yardage. That could not have even been predicted by Nostradomus. Palmer looked okay(okay meaning amazing) last week, but that was it for this season. The Bengals will not make it to the Super Bowl this year, not even the most devoted fan would believe that. They will more likely than likely make to the playoffs though.

Speaking of Cincinnati, I will be living there for at least a couple of weeks starting Sunday.
Friday, October 16th, 2009
1:06 pm
Sugar's Hoover Dam

Standing on the edge
Of the Hoover Dam
I'm on the centerline
Right between two states of mind
And if the wind from the traffic
Should blow me away

From this altitude
It will come back to you
And do you know the time
All that's left of me is slight insanity
What's on the right I don't know

If the Mississippi
should wash me away
Down to New Orleans
Maybe someday in my dreams
I'd wake feeling the sweat
From the gulf in my mouth

On a carousel I can never tell
My direction home
Spinning down a hole
I'm losing all control
I'm down to the center of the earth

Covered up with lava and I feel fine
It washes over me
Keeps me feeling warm at night
And if you've made a deal with
The guy with the horns and the cape
I'll see you later later

Standing on the edge
Of the Hoover Dam
Standing on the edge
Of the Hoover Dam I am

I wish Bob Mould were my uncle or something like that.
Friday, October 2nd, 2009
12:50 pm
I am in the process of writing songs right now. It is amazing how much my pain inspires a sense of creativity. There is no real way of knowing whether or not what you are writing is good or even okay until it is actually complete. By the time I have a finished product, I am normally sick of it. Having faith in my songwriting ability is a virtue that I need to achieve.

I haven't wrote any lyrics or "poetry" in months. That is the next step.
Thursday, October 1st, 2009
10:13 am
I am not going to be okay for a while. Why can't love ever just be enough? What is there to believe in? I am never going to be good enough for Kendra. She has finally said that and I am devastated by this. It hurts in so many ways, I can't even explain it.

I had nightmares all night long. I woke up to these same thoughts and realized that my nightmares were nothing more than thoughts of things that are going on in my life right now. They were reality. That is fucked up.

I can truly say that I wish that I were dead.
Saturday, September 26th, 2009
4:59 pm
R.I.P. Tony Bailey
Thursday, September 24th, 2009
8:58 am
sometimes, even a hello would suffice
For some, absence makes the heart grow fonder. For others, out of sight is out of mind. I must be invisible.
Sunday, September 20th, 2009
5:54 pm
Bob Mould writes amazing songs.

New #1

You, yeah, you always haul my ball and chain right
To there, the place where I get lost inside of
You, yeah, I see your face and hear your voice right
Through that which seems so hopeless and confusing

Sometimes I try too hard to separate the
Good times from sadness that we’ve had together
Balancing, I need to keep it all in some perspective
Calm me down, I need you more than you will ever comprehend

I don’t want this to end

I go through my regrets and I return the compliments and
Hope I find that innocence, I’ve got to be here no matter what happens

Slow down, you say that time will tell the story, it
Goes around, but no one else could know what’s here
Between us, I sense this tension that I know so
Well, but the calm I feel is being with you, near you constantly

I can’t wash this away / it’s here to stay

I need to cleanse my soul, these thoughts will make me lose control
So if I lose control, don’t leave me, you’ve got to be here, no matter what happens

Trust me, I’m here for you with good intentions
Trust in me, despite some times when I don’t trust
Myself, in myself, in my head, in my own confusion
My confusion gets the best of me, my illusions set me free

Free to dream about what I really need to set me
Free, is it you, is it me, what can I do to set you
Free, to be real, to be with me when I need you
Are you listening, are you listening to me

Forgive me when I lose control (sometimes I forget myself)
Forgive me for the thoughts I have (sometimes I think just like you)
Maybe I can’t trust myself (I know that I can trust in you)
But I can’t keep it to myself (I feel just like you)
Wednesday, September 16th, 2009
11:26 am
Consolation prize(pig)

Listen to my recording. It took me a while to complete, courtesy of Brian Smallwood AKA my Rick Rubin.
Sunday, September 13th, 2009
12:53 pm
I ache, emotionally. I am in love with her.
Saturday, September 5th, 2009
3:29 pm
Fucked up's "the common chemistry of life" is an amazing album. I just listened to it for the first time all of the way through and I feel like listening to it again. However, "year of the pig" is boring and self-indulgent.

Kendra makes me feel like a person who has a life that is worth living.
Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009
9:50 am
Middletown is having a negative effect upon my personality.
Tuesday, September 1st, 2009
8:20 pm
hunger pangs
My work today was probably more physically strenuous than any that I have done in over a year or two. There is some sense of satisfaction in this, almost as if I like the fact that my arms are scraped and sore. If I did this kind of work every day, I would probably never have feelings of anger or aggression.

I miss her, immensely.
Friday, August 21st, 2009
3:58 pm
I find that somebody else has already articulated how I feel on ninety-nine percent of all occasions. Even if this song was written about his boyfriend, Bob Mould has me pegged on this one.

Please listen to me
And don't disagree
Even as we fight
It doesn't matter to me

Alone in this place
You alone in my bed
I feel nothing but grace
And these thoughts in my head

Everything I say to you feels stupid now
Feelings that I shared with you are over now
Haven 't I been enough of a fool for you?
Everything I say to you feels stupid now

Please listen to me
And don't disagree
Even as we fight
It doesn't matter to me

Everything I say to you feels stupid now
Feelings that I shared with you are over now
Haven 't I been enough of a fool for you?
Everything I say to you feels stupid now
12:12 pm
My body is dehydrated and I do not care. I have no appetite and I do not care about this either. My heart has been ripped from my body and stomped upon a million times. I'm not positive what the hell made me think that I could make things work in a relationship with a girl. I gave up on love about four years ago, tried it again, now it has given up on me.

Suicide is barely an option at the moment. I say barely in a literal way.

People who say that life is wonderful and worth living have a different life than I have.
Sunday, August 2nd, 2009
2:37 pm
dust-clogged vent
I've said it before, but it is true. If I made no attempt to contact my friends, I would never see them or talk to them again. Oh fucking well.

I started a new band in lieu of the fact that Jon is the most unreliable band member in the history of music and Brian being out of the area now. It is noisy metal and very pissed off sounding, at least so far. It is a two piece band, myself on guitar and vocals, Jason Tipton on drums and whatever else occurs. We have already played a show, even before we practiced together. It went okay, even though nobody I knew was there to watch it.

I have absolutely no intentions of ever going to support a friend's band when they play. If a person cannot do this common courtesy to me on the easiest of conditions, then I shall not do so for them.

The reds went from being a contending team to be the worst team in baseball within one month. This is all, of course, after I have been telling people that this year would be "different". Never, and I do mean never, ever, expect a professional sports team from Cincinnati to do well.

I am now going to a Dayton Dragons game. Fuck you all, very much.
Monday, June 22nd, 2009
1:07 pm
My sister was admitted into Kettering hospital the other day for mental illness related issues that "stemmed" from her smoking marijuana. I received a phone call(on Kendra's phone) late saturday night featuring my mother screaming at me that I was the one who gave her said marijuana. For literally the fifth time in my life, I am now homeless because of my sister.

Mental illness or not, I FUCKING HATE HER AND I DO NOT CARE IF SHE DIES WITH SOME DISEASED COCK SHOVED DOWN HER FUCKING THROAT. I wish that a person could be born without a family. I have no use for mine and the thought of them only conjures up hatred and hostility.

I may have my own place within a couple of weeks. Doubt it though. Even when I try my hardest at being an underachiever, I fail.

Fuck you, too.
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